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Graveyard Shark
The opening briefly had me
wondering if I accidentally got some homemade softcore porno and not the
promised Graveyard Shark. How blessed I was after a few awkward moments to get
my first glimpse of this mythical land-dwelling sea beast.
Assuming all the “budget” was spent on the Graveyard Sharks costume and makeup which for as cheap as it is actually looks kinda good in a hokey way. The GS looks like if one of the Street Sharks (studded leather jacket and all) decided to go on a killing spree in a remote graveyard.
We open to four “teenagers” (who
must have had a really rough childhood cause they all looked to be at least 40)
going to hangout in the graveyard and bang? We are treated to a brief
exposition about the graveyard being haunted by a shark, as most graveyards
are, but not why this creature exists. We are then introduced to our
cryptozoologists, one of which is wearing a cryptid shirt but proceeds to ask
what cryptozoology is, and a psychologist that helps survivors of GS attacks
cope with the trauma.
The movie then takes us through people’s traumatic survival stories all of which are ridiculously insane. It makes one wonder where the authorities are and why people keep going to this particular graveyard because there are A LOT of people that have been eaten.
The good:
Freaking absolutely over the top
dialogue from every person in the movie to the point where it becomes funny
because it’s so beyond overacting.
Captain Issac Seaburn has to be the best character in this little shit show because he pops up and says all the shit that everyone wants to shout at idiots in horror movies, it’s hilarious.
The Graveyard Shark scenes are, of
course, the most entertaining part of this little homemade venture. Over the
top blood and death scenes that are Oscar worthy pepper the movie.
The Bad:
I mean it is all bad but for me
it’s a so bad its good.
I did not know that graveyards are such a hot spot for the sex but dude this graveyard is popping off! Nobody seemed to learn their lesson that if you go to bang in that graveyard that you gonna die real bad.
All-in: this movie is beyond stupid and you definitely have to want to spend the time watching it but if you are into bad movies like I am then you will probably? like this one.
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